So, I am sitting here, at about 11:30 pm on a Sunday night. Sunday nights are generally a slow, sometimes depressing time for me, because the work week is beginning again. And I feel myself slipping into an introspective state. I know there is something that I need to think about; some issue within myself to solve.
I have felt lately that there is something missing from my life, and it's difficult to put a finger on exactly what it is, or if something is indeed missing. I've figured out that I need to increase my amount of "me time," but there seems to be something else. A little while ago, I made the realization that I am actually ready for a relationship again, should the opportunity present itself. Like, I have pretty much let go of all my negativity about stupid shit in the past.
So, is that what is missing? A man? And if so, is that ok? Meaning, in this day and age, is it against some female code of honor to say that you actually desire the kind of companionship that a man can give? Not that I really care, but I'm curious. Does that set us back some indeterminable amount of time? I hope not, because regardless of what they pay lip service to, most people desire some kind of loving companionship. It's just human.
So, am I missing a man? Will that kind of relationship just be something else pulling me in yet another direction, stressing me out even more? Or could that person be a sounding board; someone to just chill out with and be myself? Not that I'm not myself with my friends. But you know, it's just a little different...
I'm not sure that a man is what I am missing. That's a tad too extreme for me. I think that it could just be one of many solutions. But the "getting to know you" process, while fun, can be exhausting, and I don't know if I miss that right now, lol.
Or maybe I just miss my family a little more than I realized, and in that case, going home for Turkey Day should alleviate some of these feelings. Because I really feel out of touch with myself, and it's really unsettling. I need to fix this, quick!
Suggestions? ;-)
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ReplyDeleteHey DCF. I have felt that feeling and one thing that I've learned is that if the thing missing is hard to put your finger on it may be God. We often focus on constantly feeding ourselves physically and mentally while we neglect our spiritual appetite until we get to this point of unexplained emptiness. So, maybe it's your spirit that is missing something...
ReplyDeleteI somewhat agree. I have definitely had that feeling and it usually comes when my faith ebbs in some aspect. When I am really focused on becoming the best me I can become, the longing for something external subsides. Becoming the best me is sort of ambiguous, but really it's just the daily practice of bringing forth the inate wisdom to see things clearly...to see that a man may not necessarily make that missing feeling go away.
ReplyDeleteYeah... I think I made this post too dependent on a man, when it really could have been anything missing. I most DEFINITELY need to re-invest myself in my faith and in doing what I know is right, but I also just needed a break. I recognized that over Thanksgiving. But OMG, I LOVE these comments! Thanks so much!
ReplyDeleteWhat needs to happen is that I need to focus on becoming the best me, instead of helping other people do that for themselves.