My Decade in a Nutshell

Well, well, well… 2009, and in turn, the 200- decade is coming to an end. Of course I have some sentimentality about this, but as I am only 23, this is the first decade shift where I am able to reflect intuitively about the changes that I have been through. And there have been many.

This decade has seen me through high school and college. And I grew significantly in each. I doubt people with whom I lost touch from HS would recognize me now. I do not look much different, but my attitude is completely different. I have grown as a person, and I now, I love myself. I’m not sure that I did in HS.

Anyway, college continued lessons that I began in high school. I learned that you can’t trust everyone, but that you can trust a very few people with pretty much everything. I became a woman of the greatest sorority of all time, Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc., by the grace of the Mu Beta Chapter. That alone taught me so much about myself. What I was willing to do for something that I wanted, and exactly how much of myself I could give to others, to the greater good. And how much I could get back.

I realized that although Sisterhood, Scholarship, and Service meant more to me than before, school isn’t everything. Your learned experiences sometimes teach more than a professor lecturing from any textbook.

I realized that my heart was truly breakable, but that I had to love myself more than I loved anyone who did not explicitly want the best for me. I learned what it was like to want something or someone so badly that you would fight nearly to the death for it/them, and I also learned that sometimes you walk away, your head bloody, but unbowed, picking up your own pieces and moving on.

In this decade, I worked in the “real world,” and discovered that it’s really not that bad. You struggle with it if you aren’t willing to take your lumps to get to where you actually want to be; when you decide that you are too good to climb a ladder and decide to leap tall buildings in a single bound. J

I also embarked on a remarkable “idealistic journey” of service and development when I joined the City Year family. CY is hard, mainly because you don’t have a clue what you are getting into when you join it. But while the people you help would make it worthwhile anyway, the people you meet keep you going everyday.

2000-2009 brought joy and pain, suffering and loss and happiness and gain. All of my downs taught me how to appreciate being up, and all of my ups prepared me for being down. ALL of it was made possible by my Lord and Savior. He has truly kept me up, and been the footprints in the sand of my life.

I don’t think that any other decade will see me going through so many different stages of life. From high school to college to work to service. From innocence to love to heartbreak to a much deeper knowledge of what I want from myself and from others. It was all easy, and it was all hard, and regardless, if I had to do it all again, I’d face it chin up and with my hair blowing in the proverbial wind.

2010-2019 is going to be a damn good ride.

What Has Happened to Moral Obligations?

Hello beautiful souls!

So, I woke up this morning with nothing to do. Work has been cancelled, and this is the third day that I am relegated to my apartment because of "Snowpocalypse 2009" (according to the media hype). So of course, I wake up, call home to wish my little brother a Happy Birthday (he's seven!), and grab my laptop. Why not see what is happening in the world-at-large?

I check my email, and see some messages from friends, some spam, and some things in between. All of a sudden, a headline (from one of the many news sources deposited to my inbox daily) catches my eye. I click it in disbelief, hoping there is more to the story, and I get to this link: Headline: EMTs On Break Allow a Pregnant Woman To Die.

SERIOUSLY? The basic rundown of the story is that a pregnant woman started to have seizures in an Au Bon Pain in Brooklyn. There were two EMTs there buying breakfast who refused to help because they were "on break." They told the employees to just call 911. The Au Bon Pain was in the same building as the Fire Department HQ. So even if the EMTs didn't want to help, they could have easily found someone qualified to do so.

To me, this is extremely ridiculous. Being on break is fine and all, but you are an EMERGENCY MEDICAL TECHNICIAN. This was a medical emergency. This woman and her baby are DEAD, and her 4 year old son is now without a mother. How DARE you even THINK that you are allowed to turn your back on her!? Where is your human decency? And then the two EMTs get paid, but restricted leave. REALLY? They get a paid vacation for allowing a woman to die because they wanted breakfast? What a joke.

This is insane, and I am more than outraged. Americans are SOME OF the only people whose leisure time matters more to them than another human life. And that is just said. I'm too disgusted with this...

What is the Foundation of this Relationship?

Soooo... I'm sitting here watching "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days." I have only seen this movie in bits and pieces, but being snowed in as I am, I finally got a chance to catch pretty much the whole movie! I'm sure this has been discussed ad nauseum, but it really has me evaluating relationships and the foundations on which they stand.

Clearly the premise of the movie is kind of ridiculous, as two people would be hard-pressed to have a successful relationship that was begun on a bet, or on the idea that one is trying to "gain" and then lose the other in 10 days. However, it is a good starting point to discuss the foundations of successful relationships.

I am of the opinion that it is impossible to have a stable relationship without respect, honesty, and trust. Honesty and trust seemingly go hand-in-hand, but many people are so damaged by their lived experiences that even if their partner is telling them the truth, they can't trust it as such.

I leave out love because relationships do not start with the two people in love, or at least not very often. Love is something that is grown and cultivated, not only through the respect, honesty, and trust necessary, but also through the time and effort of the people involved.

These days, people seem to barely respect themselves, not to mention the people that they are trying to involve themselves with. Relationships are rarely the desired outcome of getting to know someone; we just "go with the flow" and "see what happens." That kind of flexibility is great to build a relationship on, but not if both parties are not willing to define anything at all. We live in a society that is dedicated to keeping options open without understanding that open options often lead to feelings of instability and uncertainty.

I pass no judgements on how anyone decides to live their life. I have settled for less plenty of times, and sadly, I have been one of many options in a field of many, sometimes knowingly, and sometimes not. However, I think it is time for many people to decide that they are worth the time and effort it takes to build a true relationship. Even if you don't think you are worth it, I do, and I hope that means something to someone...

Also, I know that not everyone wants a relationship now. And sometimes, relationships contain more than two people. Or whatever other things people can think of to debate what I have put here. Regardless, when respect, honesty, and trust are inserted, I can't help but to think that even relationships that fall outside of the realm of what I have spoken about will be much happier and more fulfilling. But you know... maybe that's just me.

Waking Up Together

Heavy eyelids betray

As I try to stay awake

and cling to your every word.

As you pontificate on the wonders of the world

- or so I imagine -

my mind wanders to matters more important,

like how your lips would feel

moving like that

on me.

Shaking off the haze around my brain,

a haze induced by my proximity to you,

my focus on your words sharpens,

and utterances of your goals, hope, and dreams

drift to my ears.

And I can't help but hear the

"we's" and "us's"

that abound in your speech.

My brain spasms hungrily as these words penetrate

my mind, act as an aphrodisiac to my senses.

As I come down from my high,

I realize the necessity of reciprocity here,

and mentally fresh, I share

my intentions with you as well.

The resulting silence is our mental cigarette

as we process and bask

in the euphoria

that comes from acknowledging

a shared future.