Are You Kidding Me? Apparently Not...

Ok... I'm back super soon... Like, 20 mins later, haha. I just read an email that really frustrated me. And YES it's kind of about relationships, but I can't help myself.

My linesisters and I talk everyday on our listserv, sending out different tidbits, or just participating in general frivolity because we enjoy each other like that (don't be jealous, just step your game up). Anyway, one of my LSs sent out a link to Tyrese talking about... what else!?! Why Black women are "too independent" and that's why they can't get a man. Like, seriously. I'm not even really going to get into that too much. Yes, sometimes that forceful personality is a turn-off, but as a tweet I recently read (don't remember who from) said, women would be able to be women when men start to be men. And that itself is a little misguided and misogynistic, but I do understand the sentiment. Women did not wake up one morning deciding to forgo men. They got fucked over one too many times and had to make a decision to preserve their sanity. (Some of it was definitely on them and their decisions, but it wasn't a one-sided thing.) [And I hate generalizations, but it's the easiest way to get this point across.]

Anyway, here is the link to Tyrese's "interview" and a very nice post discussing it:

http://www.racialicious.com/2011/11/28/tyrese-mansplains-to-too-independent-women/

I'm just going to post my reply to my LS' email chain. I'm so frustrated with ALL of this...

"Y'all know how I feel about this. I'm SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO tired of people talking about Black women like there is something wrong with us! People cannot get around all of the stereotypes they have of Black women to see the real women that stand in front of them! Katt Williams once said (truth through comedy) that is women keep complaining about men, talking about how "niggas ain't shit," etc, then they need to wonder what their p*ssy is attracting "ain't shit niggas." And while I think that's generally sound, if not a little insensitive, why is noone addressing the OBVIOUS counterpart to that? If men keep encountering "bitches, whores, and gold-diggers," then they need to wonder what about their dick (or better yet, MENTALITY [same thing?]) is attracting these women, instead of blanketing thee stereotypes over all women, "specifically Black women."

Honestly, I struggle with my own feelings about myself and where I am now too much to have whole media outlets and stupid ass "celebrities" tell me that I am the reason that men can't get with my program. And I consider myself pretty introspective, and try to admit to myself when I have issues (which I am constantly doing), but I can't get with the idea that the problem is as general as the fact that I am a Black woman. What the entire hell? I can't. But I also can't escape it. That concept is EVERYWHERE. I really am ready to give up and live with my dog (can't do cats) and my Rabbit, as Tyrese so eloquently put it, and be ok with it. Damn."

Just an Update!

So, it's been almost a year since I have written anything here. Last time I posted, I was bidding 2010 adieu. And only a few posts before that, I was waxing poetic about 2009. I'm sure I will have a similar post soon (I can't BELIEVE it's almost 2012), but I wanted to do a little check in. One of the best people I know, Ms. Char Bear has been blogging about her venture into 27, and has inspired me to write a little again. It's a little scary, because I just re-read my farewell to 2009, and not too much has changed. That's ridiculous because it's been 2 years. There has definitely been growth, more experiences, etc., but I guess my reflection was just that timeless, because I could stand to read it more often and remember some of those lessons.

My distraction from writing has been somewhat dismaying. I haven't even written in my journal. My feelings have been so completely all over the place, and I have actually brought up the page to write here several time, but couldn't get through a whole post. I actually feel like I sound like somewhat of a broken record, because all I seem to talk about is relationships, in various ways. I just have so many feelings about things, and so many things that I have learned that I feel compelled to write about that.

But relationships are not the only thing going on in my life! That's actually NOT going, so that's not an issue, I suppose, lol. I will get to relationships later though. I just want to update the 0.5 people who read this a little on my life.

I turned 25 this year. Whoa. A quarter-century. That is amazing to me. I don't feel much like the "adult" that my age says I am. But my life is pretty good right now! I absolutely LOVE my job, even when it's driving me crazy (which is pretty much all the time). I feel like my work is important, and that is major to me. I feel like I'm way too old to waste my time on things that aren't building me up in some way, so I'm excited about where I am.

My family is good. They also drive me crazy, but I went home for Thanksgiving this year, and didn't want to tear myself away. It's rare that I get a stress-free trip home, but I did this year, and I am so thankful! I love them, and my almost 9 year old brother pretty much comes up to my shoulder. Made me want to cry! I love my siblings more than anything/one else I know (aside from my parents, of course). And it's my little sister's 19th birthday today. I reflect on our relationship and thank God that he made us so close. She is so amazing, and I strive to be like her. It should be the other way around, but she is truly an inspiration.

As for other things, I don't have much else going on. I still have all my best friends, and I realize that I don't really have many friends that I don't consider a "best friend." Some people might think this is crazy, but that's the level to which I elevate people in my life. I was tweeting earlier (follow me!: @Perspicacity913) and just reflecting on how I have people in my life that are so amazing. It's very hard for me to call someone a friend, so those that are are my family. I don't talk to them all the time, and some of them I don't even talk to often, but they are completely my family.

Now, as for relationships... Lol, there is almost nothing to say. I feel like I keep making the same decisions, even though they always turn out to be disastrous. (Isn't that insanity or something?) I always feel things so intensely, and I rarely give the other person time to catch up, lol. I actually am getting tired of the single life, but at the same time, I'm not interested in giving up my identity, which has happened often. I am a pretty strong person in general, but this is where I tend to back down. I just don't like feeling like I'm forcing anyone's hand, and so I keep things in, while being very accommodating. Just things to learn about myself, I suppose. When I reach my breaking point, I suppose I'll stop. Given the state of things, that's a depressing thought, so I guess I'll stop there. To be continued, I suppose...

Anyway, that's my update! It wasn't terribly exciting or thought-provoking, but not everything has to be. I really do want to start writing more again, so I'm sure I'll get back to it. I'm not even really that happy with this post, but I wrote all of it, so I'll post it. :-)

Catch y'all on the flip side.

~J

PS: I'm listening to Rihanna's Talk that Talk album now... liking it so far!